


Texts From Last Night

by christabellamotte



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 1979-1981 period, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, I would like to apologise for who I am as a person, M/M, Marauders' Era, TFLN - Freeform, Texting, Texts From Last Night, only modern au obviously, this is just a bit of fun though it does kind of have an overall plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-12 13:15:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4480613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/christabellamotte/pseuds/christabellamotte
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Sirius): I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have firewhisky again.<br/>(James): The nail polish was Lily’s. You insisted it brought out the sparkle in your eyes.<br/>(Remus): For the record: it did not.<br/>(Sirius): It does too!</p><p>(Or, a texting fic from your favourite very small gang based around some of TFLN's best offerings.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Texts From Last Night

**Author's Note:**

> Bolded parts are the TFLN texts verbatim(ish).

**(Sirius): I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have firewhisky again.**

(James): The nail polish was Lily’s. You insisted it brought out the sparkle in your eyes.

(Remus): For the record: it did not.

(Sirius): It does too!

(Peter): Bets on how long a firewhisky ban would actually last?

(James): No takers.

 

 

(Sirius): Moony, help

**(Sirius): People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas**

(Sirius): I’m going to murder everyone

(Remus): Where even are you?

(Sirius): Sluggy’s alumni Christmas party

(Sirius): Which, might I remind you, you’re supposed to be at

(Sirius): So a better question would be, where even are YOU?

(Remus): I’m running an errand. It’s taking longer than I expected. I thought I’d be there by now.

(Sirius): I literally only let Prongs drag me because I thought you’d be here

(Sirius): You’re a terrible friend

(Sirius): I take that back

(Sirius): Prongs is a worse friend. He ditched me for Lily.

(Sirius): Plonker

(Remus): I don’t think it qualifies as ditching any more when they’re engaged.

(Sirius): He’s still a plonker

(Sirius): Reggie and Sniv just showed up

(Sirius): It’s actually vital that you be here to stop me murdering everyone now

(Remus): Okay, okay, I’m leaving now. Please don’t start any fights before I get there. Please.

(Sirius): I absolutely cannot promise you that

 

 

(Remus): Hurry up! I need to get ready too!

(Remus): What are you even doing in there?

**(Sirius): I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like Merlin actually wants me to have this shower beer.**

(Remus): Merlin does not want you to have this shower beer. Or any shower beer.

(Sirius): Merlin’s approval or not, I’m having it.

(Remus): You know you don’t actually need to pre-drink a wedding, right?

(Sirius): This isn’t just any wedding Moony. This is PRONG’S wedding.

(Sirius): He’s getting MARRIED.

(Sirius): MARRIED

(Remus): That’s generally what weddings involve, yes.

(Sirius): MARRIED

(Sirius): How could we let this happen?

(Remus): You probably should have scheduled this meltdown with more than two hours before we have to be at Godric’s Hollow.

(Sirius): Do you think I could just not go and pretend it hasn’t happened yet?

(Remus): You’re the best man, Pads.

(Remus): So, probably not.

(Sirius): What if you just charmed Pete to look like me or something?

(Sirius): No, that would never work, Lily would know.

(Remus): Sirius, I swear to god, if you don’t get out of that bathroom in the next ten minutes I’m coming in there.

(Sirius): When you do, can you bring more beer?

 

 

(Remus): So you know that girl we always see at the station?

(Sirius): The one who always flirts with you?

(Remus): Does not.

(Remus): Does she?

(Remus): Never mind. Yes, her.

(Sirius): What about her?

(Remus): Well, she asked me if I wanted to get coffee this morning.

(Remus): As in, when I was struggling to remain upright, wearing your obnoxious rock star sunglasses, had my shirt buttoned up wrong, and generally looked like I’d barely made it through the apocalypse.

(Remus): Which would not be an unreasonable way to describe last night.

(Sirius): None of us made it through the apocalypse. We are mere shells of the men we were before. Ghosts of our former selves.

(Remus): £20 you’re a) naked and b) still in bed.

(Sirius): No bet.

(Sirius): But back to station girl.

(Remus): Right. So she asked me if I wanted to get coffee. And because it was this morning, instead of saying something reasonable I just made a series of noises that she took as agreement. And then, as one does when they’re getting coffee, she kept trying to talk to me.

(Remus): She asked me what I did.

**(Remus): "I'm a professor to university students" I said as I realized I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting**

(Remus): Side note: at what point last night did we decide that Pete was sober enough to pierce people?

(Remus): She laughed. And did that playful hitting thing that people do sometimes. Except she hit me in the chest.

(Remus): In my painfully tender nipple piecing, to be exact.

(Remus): I threw my coffee at her and let slip a stream of obscenities that would make you proud.

(Sirius): So, did you get her number?

(Remus): I hate you.

 

 

(James): How was the party? Are you alive?

**(Sirius): There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2**

(James): So, a standard Friday night in bachelorhood?

(James): Please don’t tell me you hooked up with Mackinnon

(Sirius): I’m genuinely offended you think I would do that.

(Sirius): Not that Mackinnon isn’t a lovely bird and all that!

(Sirius): But she’s hardly my type.

(James): Chill

(Sirius): Surely you’ve known me for long enough to know that that’s physically impossible for me to do.

(James): Weren’t you with Moony?

(Sirius): Yes

(James): So the potential STD…?

(Sirius): Neither of us had a condom.

(James): MERLIN’S SAGGY BALLSACK

(James): WHAT THE FUCK

(James): THIS IS HOW YOU TELL ME THAT YOU’RE BONING MOONY

(James): WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME

(Sirius): Also, that glitter glue stuff makes terrible lube.

(James): WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

(Sirius): MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT

(James): YOU’RE ALONE IN THIS ONE MATE

(Sirius): Oh, but I’m not ;)

(Sirius): [image65.jpeg]

(James): I’m not even going to open this.

 

 

(James): Hey are you at Moony’s thing?

**(Sirius): yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...**

(Peter): Overshare, mate.

(Remus): You guys know this is a group conversation, right?

(Remus): For the record, I look fucking fantastic in women’s underwear.

 

 


End file.
